Suicide
The parts that are left behind
Step 1: Research
We rarely hear about the aftermath of a suicide, how a family has to pick up the parts that are left behind. I am speaking from someone who attempted suicide, had multiple plans of my final day and now looking back I never thought about how my family would be affected. The idea that they would grieve and mourn would never entered my mind. While doing my research I found the story of Teresa Rishel from her paper "And Time Stood Still" (2016) her son had committed suicide, she talks about her twenty two year journey of healing and morning in the aftermath of her son's suicide.
"We felt forgotten; others seemed distant. We noticed a difference in the ways that people talked about
his death to us." (Rishel, 2016, p50). From this quote we can see how the family was being observed Rishel goes on to explain how people did not know how to interact with them they wanted help the family but it seems they also wanted to in sense place the blame on the family (Rishel, 2016). Teresa goes into more of this idea talking about a divide of survivors from her son's suicide it is interesting reaction of the community to the family. The community wants to support the family but in there sub conscious feeling to see the family at fault (Rishel, p13, 2016). Next I found a story about father dealing with his own battle after his son suicide. Brain W. Barr story was a bit different where it is guilt of father feeling that he had let down his son.
"Sometimes a teacher, friend or neighbor will become privy to a disturbing sign manifested by a teenager. Yet, it is only human nature not to want to hear that one's child may be suicidal. But we parents must thank these messengers for their expressions of interest and be sure to check into their observations. I remember that the physician in the emergency room told me that if my son could get his hands on a gun, he'd shoot himself. Even though I knew Kevin was there because of his suicide attempt, I was taken aback by the doctor's words." (Barr, 1998). Brain had seen the signs and many have told him about the signs yet he did not act on them not because he was a bad father but rather has he states "... it is only human nature..." (Barr, 1998).
I choose this subject because I believe we do not talk enough about those who are left behind. I believe in a suicide families are truly left behind because they wake up one day and there son, daughter, sister, brother, mother, or father is just gone. We must remove the this idea that there needs to be someone to blame because this not a murder were there is victim and murderer. A suicide the victim is both the victim and the murderer. When I send to the mental hospital it was the shock I needed because it was like I did die. I did not get to see my family when I wanted to. I saw how sad they were without me then I finally saw I mattered to someone. I would sit outside the window wanting to rejoin the living. I wanted to go home. The first step to recovery was accepting if I could live for someone else then I would live for my family. After sometime and medicine I woke up first time in years without asking the question "would the world be a better place without me?" I just woke up. I know it may not work for everyone but what saved me when the shock of my family and seeing the pain the went through while I was in the hospital and that I would do anything to stop them from suffering. So maybe if we learned more about the people who have to pick the pieces after a suicide maybe it may help some not end up going to that path.
Sergio Sandoval, Cal State Dominguez Hills
"It affects people you leave behind in a emotional way. The reason for is because parents/friends assume you are happy because the way interact with them.They see you as someone who not suicidal. So when they get the call that you are deceased they go trough roller coaster emotions because they "thought" you were ok. People who commit suicide usually have a outgoing personality and are smiling and laughing with you. This is the reason why they affect people who are left behind really hurt.
They view them as someone prestigious. The reason I say prestigious is because you don't want to bring up the conversation about the child committing suicide because that would remind them about harsh time. Everything you do, you to be more sensitive towards them and not bring up something that reminds them of the suicidal person. "
Marcus Isaac Morales, Cal State Long Beach
"It affects them extremely, first is the disbelief that their loved one was even capable of doing such a thing and then blame themselves and wished they could have done something more to help them or prevent it from happening.
The way society might view the family is either through the eyes of grief, worry, supportive, or even disgust (depending on the situation). They may truly feel sorry for them but as time goes by society will view them as the family who's loved one took their own life and ultimately avoid or awkwardly try to consult with them."
Andy Popoca, LA Trade Tech
" I believe suicide has a huge impact on the family because they believe they weren't good enough parents, brothers, or sisters think that they weren't there enough in there time of need and I feel it could split a family apart because they will try to pin the death of him/her on one another and it's only going to breed more hate in the family.
Society will view the family as failures and will pity them for their poor parenting that killed their child. ( Not saying that it was the cause but from society point view) they will blame the family for neglect and not wanting to be involved in the child's life and not trying to figure out what was bothering them that drove them to that extreme to take their own life."
Barr, W.Brian. “Child Behavior Professionals Are Not Untouched by Family Suicides.” Brown University Child & Adolescent Behavior Letter, vol. 14, no. 3, Mar. 1998, p. 1. EBSCOhost, mimas.calstatela.edu/login?
"Sometimes a teacher, friend or neighbor will become privy to a disturbing sign manifested by a teenager. Yet, it is only human nature not to want to hear that one's child may be suicidal. But we parents must thank these messengers for their expressions of interest and be sure to check into their observations. I remember that the physician in the emergency room told me that if my son could get his hands on a gun, he'd shoot himself. Even though I knew Kevin was there because of his suicide attempt, I was taken aback by the doctor's words." (Barr, 1998). Brain had seen the signs and many have told him about the signs yet he did not act on them not because he was a bad father but rather has he states "... it is only human nature..." (Barr, 1998).
Step 2: Personal
This issue affects me because if things went differently then I would be the son in the stories and my parents in the stories that I referenced. I never thought about my family if I succeeded in my suicide attempt I can say in my personal experience that I never thought my family would feel any sense of sadness because it my mind I had decided they would be better off without me. I know that sounds crazy but that is how I thought it works. In my experience someone who suffering from suicidal thoughts wakes every morning asking the question " Would the world be a better place without me in it?" then the questioned is answered with "yes" every single time. This is what I went through every day for a long time.I choose this subject because I believe we do not talk enough about those who are left behind. I believe in a suicide families are truly left behind because they wake up one day and there son, daughter, sister, brother, mother, or father is just gone. We must remove the this idea that there needs to be someone to blame because this not a murder were there is victim and murderer. A suicide the victim is both the victim and the murderer. When I send to the mental hospital it was the shock I needed because it was like I did die. I did not get to see my family when I wanted to. I saw how sad they were without me then I finally saw I mattered to someone. I would sit outside the window wanting to rejoin the living. I wanted to go home. The first step to recovery was accepting if I could live for someone else then I would live for my family. After sometime and medicine I woke up first time in years without asking the question "would the world be a better place without me?" I just woke up. I know it may not work for everyone but what saved me when the shock of my family and seeing the pain the went through while I was in the hospital and that I would do anything to stop them from suffering. So maybe if we learned more about the people who have to pick the pieces after a suicide maybe it may help some not end up going to that path.
Step 3: Gathering Evidence
Sergio Sandoval, Cal State Dominguez Hills "It affects people you leave behind in a emotional way. The reason for is because parents/friends assume you are happy because the way interact with them.They see you as someone who not suicidal. So when they get the call that you are deceased they go trough roller coaster emotions because they "thought" you were ok. People who commit suicide usually have a outgoing personality and are smiling and laughing with you. This is the reason why they affect people who are left behind really hurt.
They view them as someone prestigious. The reason I say prestigious is because you don't want to bring up the conversation about the child committing suicide because that would remind them about harsh time. Everything you do, you to be more sensitive towards them and not bring up something that reminds them of the suicidal person. "
Marcus Isaac Morales, Cal State Long Beach
"It affects them extremely, first is the disbelief that their loved one was even capable of doing such a thing and then blame themselves and wished they could have done something more to help them or prevent it from happening.
The way society might view the family is either through the eyes of grief, worry, supportive, or even disgust (depending on the situation). They may truly feel sorry for them but as time goes by society will view them as the family who's loved one took their own life and ultimately avoid or awkwardly try to consult with them."
Andy Popoca, LA Trade Tech
" I believe suicide has a huge impact on the family because they believe they weren't good enough parents, brothers, or sisters think that they weren't there enough in there time of need and I feel it could split a family apart because they will try to pin the death of him/her on one another and it's only going to breed more hate in the family.
Society will view the family as failures and will pity them for their poor parenting that killed their child. ( Not saying that it was the cause but from society point view) they will blame the family for neglect and not wanting to be involved in the child's life and not trying to figure out what was bothering them that drove them to that extreme to take their own life."
Sources :
Barr, W.Brian. “Child Behavior Professionals Are Not Untouched by Family Suicides.” Brown University Child & Adolescent Behavior Letter, vol. 14, no. 3, Mar. 1998, p. 1. EBSCOhost, mimas.calstatela.edu/login?
Rishel, Teresa. “And Time Stood Still.” Creative Approaches to Research, vol. 9, no. 1, Jan. 2016, pp. 39–56. EBSCOhost, mimas.calstatela.edu/login?
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